Canada is Free and Freedom is Its Nationality

Sir Wilfrid Laurier

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Stats, I Love Stats

I found this cute little map online, it tells you all the "International Number Ones: Because Every Country is Good at Something". Now I was going to post this as a little politically incorrect satirical joke, until I discovered that it was true.... But leaving all the politically incorrect bits aside (as I know my readers won't when they follow the link) do you want to know what Canada's number one is? Fruit juice consumption! I mean really how, utterly bland, effeminate (I speak as a woman), and just generally Canadian blah is that? It sounds like something a PSA would celebrate. For the record we are also number one in oats consumption (something my parents dutifully support every morning, did I mention that I hate oatmeal?), are half as fat as the States, and have the lowest daily smoking rate. Alright already, we've settled the fact that we are health freaks. (And no dear children I do not support that nasty, dangerous habit of smoking, it makes your hair smell and then you have to have lots of baths where the water gets in your eyes so never, ever do it)

We are also really good when it comes to unpaid diplomatic parking fines (????), horrible when it comes to registered voter turnout , but good when it comes to length of time people spend in school (so we are educated and apathetic, I'm sure this should tell me something). We do produce a lot of books (Thank Canadian government subsidies for useless trash) and have the biggest houses (use the low smoking one on the liberals and sneak this past when they are still beaming about that.). In other news we have the shortest prison sentences. (Which won't stop wining about how we are so mean to criminals)

At 60% we are #4 when it comes to being very proud of your country only beating out Ireland, Australia, and the United States (duh). So much for the Canadians not being patriotic thing (Although the fruit juice and oats stats gave my patriotism a nasty hit), also so much for the German nationalism thing, they hit last with 20%. In a move that doesn't surprise me, Canada ties for last place when it comes to considering people of a different race as undesirable neighbours and ties for next to last when answering the same question about immigrants with 5 and 6% respectively. In a move that does slightly surprise me and is probably completely bewildering to the anti-America pro-Europe people, America scored better than some of our progressive and socialist betters like Norway, France, Belgium, and in one case Finland. Incidentally 17% of Fins and 14% of Norwegians don't want to live beside someone of another race, rub that in the faces of all the people who want to tell us how progressive, liberal, and compassionate Norway is (memo to my Norwegian aunt, don't read this post okay?).

We love to boycott and petition and we are pretty good when it comes to being interested in and talking about politics but we don't join political parties or, as I mentioned earlier, vote. Interestingly we trust the armed forces, church, police and companies more than we trust the civil service. Which makes me wonder if a proposal for a forcible take over by the armed forces and police of the civil service and a subsequent hand over to private corporations with oversight from the church might reawaken interest in politics. Never know. Oh, and the only thing we trust less than Parliament? Trade unions. (You really are fighting a losing battle here Layton)

In stunning news, only 8% of women believe they have equal rights (Time to start defunding a few more grievance-mongering "think" tanks Harper) and we are number one for lone-parents families, thus besting the UK (More ???s) at 11%. We also have lower personal income and property tax than the US (but higher income tax than the UK) and more known terrorist organizations present than the US, Sudan, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh (one really assumes that this is not based on, say, deadliness and group membership numbers) and has the same number as Iran. We are also number five in arms exports, which calls into slight question the assumptions about arms exporting nations (Or doesn't depending on how much you like Canada, I like Canada) mind you the numbers fall off pretty sharply once you get Russia, the US, and France out of the way.

Isn't Trivial Pursuit fun?


Note: Not all stats have the same number of countries involved...

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