Canada is Free and Freedom is Its Nationality

Sir Wilfrid Laurier

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Remembrance Day Serial Story




A serial story about WW1 loosely based on true events. The series was published this week in the Pembroke Daily Observer (with different pictures and layout) and was written by Owen Hebbert (My seventeen year old brother in case anyone is wondering.)


"the best piece of fiction writing that this old editor had ever seen" Peter Lapinskie, Managing Editor for The Daily Observer


**********************




Rain fell across the battlefield in a heavy, imposing manner. It came in thick, blinding waves like the wash of a sea. There was no lightning and subsequently no thunder, but the sky was so replete with clouds that were one uninformed one might have thought it night rather than day.


In the trench it was hell. Water ran in cascades down the mud walls and gushed in black, frothing rivers over the trench floor. The men were halfway up to their knees in it. There was almost nowhere that they could go to get away from the rain. Those sitting on benches that lined the walls of the trench had to be resigned to getting not only their shins but also their laps wet as rain continued to pour in and water fell down from directly over them in long, streaming drips. Worse than this was the rats. Hundreds of rodents, fat from months of feeding on human refuse and bodies, were drowning – and not quietly.




“Bloody cold,” James Lawrence said. The young English corporal shuddered and flapped his arms across his chest, sending a spray of muddy water into the face of the private beside him. “Sorry about that, Cramer.” Lawrence apologized, rolling his shoulders miserably.


“Forget it,” Cramer said, wiping his bare hand across his face, a wholly vain effort in hygiene as his hand was muddy and dripping rainwater. Jonathan Cramer was young. Not young like Lawrence was young but much younger still. The boy’s face was acne-ridden and the baby fat that still clung to his cheekbones contrasted strongly with the firm set of his jaw and the deep bags under his eyes. The youth was withdrawn and had always avoided conversation with his fellow-soldiers. Deep within his sunken eyes, and under his youthful face was a secret that his nervous, fretful disposition caused to prey on his mind.


“How old are you Cramer?” Lawrence asked, sucking the rainwater off his lips and spitting it back out into the water swilling around his legs.


“Sixteen,” Cramer said in a low voice. Like hell he was sixteen.


“Really?” Lawrence smiled at the kid. Cramer wasn’t looking at him, but was busily occupied with chewing the corner of his mouth off instead. The boy was obviously younger than that. Fifteen or an older fourteen. The carbine clutched in the youngster’s hands seemed humorously unthreatening. What does a boy like that do when he breaches the trench? They call it cannon fodder.




“Why’s the water doing that?” Cramer asked, sullenly changing the subject.

“Doing what?” Lawrence followed the boy’s gaze and found himself looking at the black flood his feet were immersed in. He really wasn’t all that interested in talking about water in any form right then. He took his peaked cap off and tapped it on his forehead to knock the rain off before pulling it back over his lank black hair.


“It’s sort of swirling there,” Cramer said, pointing.


Something in his voice, an oddly uncharacteristic strain of insistence, made Lawrence look again. The trench was as dark as late dusk and the water was darker than hell, but in the light from the sputtering kerosene lantern carried by a passing sergeant, the surface of the water was somewhat illuminated.

And Lawrence saw it. A single, thin whirlpool with a diameter of about two inches was spinning furiously.


“I’ll be a son-of-a-gun,” Lawrence breathed, leaning closer.


“Where’s it going?” Cramer asked, also leaning forward, impressed that the small nothing that he had chosen to change the subject was so genuinely interesting.


“I don’t know but it’s going steady. Somewhere there’s a big space that’s taking a lot of filling,” Lawrence said thoughtfully.


“But what? There’s no space under this is there? I mean, I wasn’t here for the digging but I don’t think we have anything here. Unless there’s some kind of a storage cell under the boards of the trench floor. Do think that there are supplies getting wet?”


“Storage cells be hanged!” Lawrence snapped. He straightened and rose. “Sergeant Durst!”


The sergeant turned and looked over towards the speaker, raising his lantern to see better which of the soggy, mud-coated men was speaking. He saw Lawrence standing and nodded curtly, not interested in being detained when he could go stand in Major Heath’s small dugout while delivering his report. “You have something of importance to report, Corporal Lawrence?”


“It’s just a small matter, Sir.” Lawrence pointed down at the mysterious indication of a drain.


“What is it man?” Durst demanded, squinting past his lantern at the patch of dark, swirling liquid being indicated.


Lawrence leaned closer down, stabbed his gloved finger at the whirlpool. He didn’t speak, forcing Durst to come closer to inspect.


“Well?” Durst seemed unimpressed. “It’s water. You have some in your ear. If it weren’t there you might have heard that I asked you if you had anything of importance to report.”


“The water’s draining, Sir,” Lawrence said.


“Then it has my blessing. Is that all, Corporal?”


“Sir,” Lawrence said carefully, “the water shouldn’t have anywhere to be draining to.”


“Then it isn’t draining, man! Do you need me to take this apart for you? Idiot!”


“Sir…”


“Shut up!” Richard Durst couldn’t believe that he was having this argument when the major was awaiting the routine report. “Shut up!”


“Yes, Sir,” Lawrence saluted and sat back down on the bench. The warmth from when he had been sitting there before was already washed away by the torrent that crashed loudly down on them from the merciless skies.




Richard Durst turned and started wading away through the trench. The man had been making fun of him. Water draining. The subordinates could be such stupid blighters. Durst was devoted to serving his king, his country and his major. Unadulterated passion for noble causes drove the man and got him recognized and promoted. Men like Lawrence were spiteful over the apparent ease with which such sincerity bought the go-getters favour. Mind, Corporal Lawrence wasn’t a common perpetrator of disrespect. What had the man been thinking? Water draining, indeed. In the trench! What was supposed to be obvious there?


Then it clicked.


“Bloody hell!” The sergeant turned and stared, his expression one of dawning horror, at Lawrence. The corporal nodded, his face softening as he saw that Durst was catching on.


“You!” Durst shot his hand out and pointed to Cramer even as what felt like a full inch of rain fell from the sky and slammed over them, drowning his words out in a whirling scream of wind and water.


“Me?” Cramer pointed to himself, guessing at the intent of Durst’s gesture.


“Tell Major Heath that something of considerable importance has turned up! Go! Run, boy!”


Water crashing up on either side in wings of black, frigid water, the private plowed off through the flooded trench. Durst and Lawrence studied the whirlpool in the light of the lantern. The unspoken fear that they both felt was understood and not stated. There was only one reason that there would be a large space under their trench.


The Germans had tunneled across no man’s land.


****************************


It was about then that the lightning storm started.


“When did you find this, Corporal?” Sergeant Richard Durst asked tersely.


“Just as you were going by, Sir. Private Cramer saw it.” Corporal James Lawrence shivered as rainwater ran down the small of his back.


“Observant. Run and get me two shovels.”


“Yes Sir!” Lawrence turned and ran.


“Bloody observant,” Durst muttered, straightening. He carefully took the glove off his right hand, put it in his pocket and rolled up his right sleeve. Overhead the thunder rumbled and then cracked like a whip. Bending over, Durst submerged his hand in the muddy water and felt about the slimy trench floor. At first, the senses of his hand were so numbed by the cold, the wet and the slimy soil that it didn’t register anything but discomfort. Then he felt it. The harshest point of the current directly over the drain. Water gushed through his fingers and disappeared between a pair of smooth, ice-cold rocks.


“Shovels, Sir!” Corporal Lawrence was back, holding two short trenching shovels.




“Sergeant!” The voice was cold with an edge like serrated knife-blade.


It was Major David Heath. Private Jonathon Cramer, who had been dispatched to call for the major was close behind.


“Sir!” Durst turned, straightened and saluted. He was older than Heath, which wasn’t saying much. As so many officers had been killed during the war, young men like Heath were being quickly promoted to dangerous positions of authority.


“You saw fit to have me called for?”


“Sir, yes, Sir.”


“Well speak man! What is it?”


Durst was not a man to quibble. He was frank and came straight to the point. “I think that the Germans have tunneled under our trench.”




Heath was silent for the space of about five seconds. He glanced at the three men standing in a semi-circle in front of him. They were all part of his regiment and he knew them all. He had met Sergeant Durst and Corporal Lawrence on previous occasions and Private Cramer had introduced himself just minutes earlier. The words that had just escaped Durst’s lips were not, however, heard by this limited assembly alone. Whispers and despairing moans erupted from the dozens of men all about them and in an instant word was passed throughout the trench.


“Why?” Heath asked.


“Water is draining at this point,” Durst indicated the whirlpool and lowered his lantern so that the major could see more clearly, “and it isn’t stopping.


“The bloody Germans have tunneled under us!” A frantic voice gasped.


“That’s it!” A mid-aged private rose and began clambering at the trench wall that led away from no-man’s land.


Heath whipped out his revolver and aimed it at the deserter’s head. “Don’t make a move, man, or I shoot your stupid brains out! We don’t know that there’s a tunnel! Dying while running from something that isn’t there would be one hell of a daft way to go!”


For a moment the only noise was the thunder, the rain and the plaintive shrieks of drowning rats. The Webley Mark VI was no gun to fool with. It’s .455 bullet could knock off almost any part of the body and utterly shatter the thickest of bones. Should Heath missed the man’s head and hit a non-vital area, the death would only be slower as a shattered arm or leg in the trenches meant guaranteed gangrene.


Slowly, carefully, the would-be deserter slid back down into the trench.




Heath’s attention quickly moved back to the matter of the drain. “Lawrence and Cramer? I want you to ascertain the truth. Dig this drain out. It’s probably nothing, but we mustn’t be caught with our trousers down.” Heath stepped back and allowed the two men to start digging. As he holstered his revolver, he turned to Richard Durst. “Sergeant, you may deliver your routine report to me now.”


Lawrence had been soaked and muddy before he started digging but now he was feeling like a perfect porpoise. Digging mud under a foot of water while heavy rain poured down from above was disgusting, back-breaking work, especially using the short little trenching shovels. However, it was not wholly unsatisfactory. As more and more watery filth was shoveled aside, the intensity of the drain picked up.

“There’s definitely something there,” Heath said thoughtfully, interrupting Durst’s report. “Your shovel, Mr. Cramer?” Heath took the shovel and prodded at a rock exposed by the rushing water. There was a sucking noise and the small boulder disappeared, leaving a gaping hole in what should have been a solid trench floor. The water soon filled the gap, creating a powerful current around the men’s ankles.


“A tunnel,” a nearby soldier breathed.


“I’m just about through,” the private that had tried fleeing said coldly. “I’d rather take a bullet in the head from a Brit than from a Hun. Hell knows when they’ll start pouring up into here with their grenades and knives and guns. We’ll all be crucified. I…”


David Heath turned around so fast that his greatcoat swirled like a cape. “You will die, man, if you say another word.” The young officer’s gun was back out and was aimed, as steady as a pin in a vice, at the private’s face. There was a moment of silence and then the gun was lowered and holstered. Sweat stung Heath’s face.


There were about forty men standing where Major Heath could see them. Faces were somber and unhappy; hands gripped Lee-Enfields as though preparing to shoot down whatever might erupt from the gaping hole in the ground through which water still fell.




“I need a volunteer to lower himself through this hole,” Heath said.


The ranks of gathered men visibly shuddered and many drew back to avoid being mistaken for volunteers.


“Sir?” A quiet, immature voice called.


Lawrence stabbed his shovel into the ground and turned away. He wrapped his arms around his chest and shivered, unable to stand what he knew was coming.


“Yes Mr. Cramer?” Heath said, turning to the boy.


“I’ll do it, Sir.”


“You’re small enough,” Heath said approvingly.


“Permission requested to accompany Private Cramer,” Lawrence asked, his voice harsh.


“Permission granted,” Heath said approvingly.


The two men dropped into the tunnel and a lantern was lowered to them.


For about five minutes there was total silence save the rumble of thunder.


“Major! There’s something down here you should see!”


Heath raised his eyebrows and climbed down into the tunnel as well. For a moment he couldn’t see anything save the harsh glare of the lantern that Cramer was holding. Then he saw it. Piled high at the end of the tunnel was a mound about three feet high of wired dynamite.


Heath reached over and extinguished the lantern that Cramer was holding. “Bleeding hell,” he whispered.


*************************


Back in the trench the suspense was incredible. Neither Lawrence or Cramer dared tell what they had seen in the darkness of the tunnel below their feet and Major David Heath seemed disinclined to divulge the information himself. The major sat on a bench, smoking a cigarette with a feverish intensity. It was still raining and the lightning storm was directly over the battlefield, deafening and blinding the men as it struck down on the metal-littered no-man’s land.




After about ten minutes of dangerous quiet, Heath rose and straightened. He looked at the thirty or so men that were sitting on benches where he could see them (the zigzagged nature of the trench only allowed him to see so far). “Men,” Heath said, “pay attention!” Lightning flashed and water slammed into the young officer as he began talking. “Circumstances have arisen that call for a dangerous mission to be executed. Even as we speak, the enemy has a sizeable stash of wired dynamite stowed under our trench. That is what their tunnel was for. I have decided that we must physically carry it back under no man’s land. My reasons for arriving at this conclusion are for the good of this war. Now there will need to be four men so that the dynamite will be transported with as much safety as can be afforded.”


“Right!” The middle-aged private who had attempted to desert earlier stood and waved a scornful hand in the major’s direction. “Which four of us want to go into that bloody hell-hole and carry dynamite around in the dark? And you know another thing? The Germans have those bombs wired and there’s no way to know when they’ll decide to shove a plunger down and scatter your insides from here to freakin’ Brandenburg!”


“What you say is true,” Heath said evenly, “and whoever volunteers should know that.”


The private sat back down as did anybody else that had been standing. Volunteers appeared to be scarce.


“However,” Heath continued, “I think that whoever volunteers should also know that I’ll be down there with them. I only need three volunteers. I will be leading them.” The young officer stood straight as a ramrod, his youthful, unshaven face dripping rainwater and his gloved hands clasped behind his back.


This was different. Here was a leader who, in the most miserable, dark, freakishly-horrible conditions was still willing to stand by principles of loyalty and self-sacrifice.


“What…” The private pointed an uncertain forefinger at Heath. “You’re going to go down there and carry the dynamite?”


“We mustn’t waste time with talk,” Heath said stiffly. “Have I any volunteers?”


“I!” Sergeant Richard Durst stepped forward.


“I!” Private Jonathon Cramer offered his services.


“Then I, too!” Corporal James Lawrence came to stand beside the boy.


“That’s three volunteers. We’ll need four trench-clubs. Would somebody…”


The rebellious private was already on his feet and running for the nearest weapons dugout.




Armed with their clubs which swung from their wrists by leather thongs and with the assistance of two electric lights, the four men dropped into the tunnel, leaving the cold, wet, loud, dying world above them and entering a hell beneath hell. They loaded all the dynamite stacked there into delicate armloads of death.


“All right!” Heath said, “now we must advance down the tunnel at the same pace, or else the cord will pull and the dynamite might go off. Sergeant Durst and Corporal Lawrence, you two are in charge of the lights. Hold them in your mouths and whatever you do, don’t drop them on your load of firecrackers or there’ll be a big crater in the middle of no-man’s land. Now ever so carefully, forward!”


The journey through the tunnel was one that is hard to describe. After the men had walked for about ten yards the floor under their feet became flooded and they were gingerly creeping over slippery boulders hidden under water that was sometimes two feet deep. The electric lights were little good, especially after Durst dropped his in the water. For twenty yards the floor remained flooded and then it rose sharply. The men emerged from the water to step into a bank of ankle-deep mud.


“This is suicide,” Cramer murmured under his breath. The boy’s every step was an act of great labour. His boots stuck in the mud and had to be dragged out with great effort. He was afraid of fooling about lest he drop his dynamite, and if he slowed up too much, the wires on the dynamite might jerk. After about five yards of negotiating the mud, he lost one of his boots and, finding that this made it easier, he quickly allowed the other to slip off as well. He would pick them back up on the return trip – provided that there was one.


“Sir…” Durst, who had been especially silent since he had lost his light, spoke for the first time. He struggled with his boot for a moment and then continued. “…Do you intend to leave this mess under the Germans’ trench?”


“Can you think of a better place to leave it?” Heath asked with a small smile that was lost in the dark.


“No, Sir,” Durst said quickly. He believed in his officer no matter what the young hothead might be doing. It was obvious that besides being gallant and selfless, this Heath fellow had a strong sense of practical irony.




They continued on in silence. For about fifty yards, the tunnel floor was actually dry. It was rough and covered in clods and stones, but dry nonetheless. It was on this ground that Cramer quickly regretted abandoning his boots. The boy’s feet were soon bruised and bleeding. The torture was increased significantly when the floor banked sharply and the four men were walking through water once more. The muddy swill stung at Cramer’s cut feet almost as bad as his own sweat had, but it was the sharp, gravel-like deposits in the water that made his every step agony.


Then they had to walk through more mud for about ten yards.


Suddenly Major Heath, who had conducted the entire journey without a single complaint, let out a quiet laugh. “Don’t speak too loudly, men, but I think that our little jaunt is at an end.”


Sure enough, in the dimming light cast by the electric torch, the end of the tunnel could be seen. The Germans had apparently boarded over the hole that they had used to dig the tunnel, as no light came down from above save a few rays that wormed between the planks of the cover. German voices and the sounds of thunder, rain, rats and the like could be heard. Water poured down through the slats of the boards and all four men quickly realized how relieving it had been not to have rain streaming down on them from above.


“Gently now!” Heath whispered. Slowly, tenderly, he placed his load of explosives down, careful not to put it under the drip. The other three followed suit. Heath made sure that the dynamite was still wired properly and, having given the mound a loving pat, drew back.


He smiled thoughtfully and said: “Mission accomplished.”


******************************


They all stepped back from the stack of wired dynamite, staring at it in horrified fascination. The Germans had tunneled across no man’s land and deposited this mother lode of explosives under the British trench, but it had been discovered. Major David Heath, Sergeant Richard Durst, Corporal James Lawrence and Private Jonathon Cramer had just finished carrying the deadly sticks back through the tunnel and placing them under the Germans’ trench.


“Shall we, gentlemen?” Major Heath waved an inviting hand towards the tunnel that led back to safety.


No second bidding was required. There was no telling when a German engineer might decide to depress the plunger of his remote detonator. The four men started running.


Private Cramer had abandoned his boots on their first trip through the tunnel and his bare feet, cut and stinging slowed him as he tried to keep up with the older soldiers. He was now carrying the dying electric lamp and its beam wavered dramatically as he stumbled and pitched through the tunnel.


Major Heath’s face was expressionless. His feet pounded steadily into the dirt, the mud, the water; his teeth sank into his cheeks as he tried to calm the flow of emotion that he felt. He felt fear, satisfaction, excitement, stress, but most of all, he felt his responsibility. The lives of these men and the leadership of his regiment back in the trench were his responsibilities.




They were about half-way across no man’s land when the dynamite went off. To the four men in the tunnel it sounded as though a large building had been picked up and dropped on another large building. Worst of all, it felt as though they were in the latter large building when it happened. For a brief instant a flash of painful light lit up the mud the men were standing in and then disappeared as the tunnel started caving in.


“Hang,” Cramer said softly.


“Run!” Heath’s order was scarcely audible as all the men’s ears had popped, but then it wasn’t entirely necessary anyway.


They ran. The electric light was gone – dropped, dead, forgotten. Slapping at the muddy tunnel walls with their hands, they felt their way through the darkness. Clods of earth and stones rained down on them from the tunnel ceiling.


“Who’s there?” Heath shouted as he ran. “Can anyone hear me?”


The rumbling of the tunnel collapsing was loud but above it came the affirmative shouts of Heath’s men.

“I’m right behind you, Sir!” That was loyal Durst.


“Here, Sir!” That was Lawrence.


“I’m coming!” This last voice, shouted out in a desperate, agonized tone of determination was that of Cramer.


“Keep yelling!” Heath shouted. “We mustn’t lose one-another!”




And so the men ran, shouting to each other and trying not to fall as they crossed the mud, the water and the short stretch of hard, dry, gravely ground that separated the long stretches of water. It was when they were about three-quarters of the way through the tunnel that the ceiling started raining down on them in earnest. Entire slabs the length of dining tables fell down amid showers of boulders and mud. Dirt filled the men’s eyes, ears, mouths, clothing and boots.


“Don’t stop yelling!” Heath roared above the colossal crashing of raining earth. “Yell your names!”

“Lawrence!” Corporal Lawrence cried.


“Durst!”


“Heath!” That was the major. Though they could barely hear him, his men thought his voice to have lost none of its authority and assurance.


“Cramer!” The boy private shouted.


“Lawrence!”


“Durst!”


“Heath!”


“I can see light!” Cramer shouted.





It was true. The end of the tunnel, heralded by rays of sunlight that streamed into the tunnel from the British trench above, was less than fifteen yards ahead of them. The sight gave the men courage and new energy. Shouting and laughing, ducking their heads to avoid the falling ceiling over them they raced forward.

Suddenly Heath heard a shriek and with safety no more than ten feet away, he froze. Every nerve in his body was stiff as a rod of iron. His ears were tingling as he tried to listen for the sound to repeat itself. He turned around, looking down the way he had come. It was hell in there. Behind him he could hear Durst and Lawrence being pulled up into the trench. Into safety.


Then he heard it again. His lips moved, disbelievingly mouthing a single name. Then he screamed it, tearing the breath from his aching lungs like a knife from a wound. “Cramer!”


He ran back into the darkness. Into the hell under hell. He couldn’t see a bloody thing. He ran to where he thought he had last heard Cramer’s voice. There was nothing there.


“Cramer!” He shouted. Suddenly his foot slipped, sending him into a deep puddle. He felt a stone scraping the skin off his knee as he landed. A clod of earth fell over his shoulder and knocked him down on his face. Pebbles and earth sprinkled across his back. He was going to be buried alive if he didn’t move. Fear gripped his heart and he struggled into a sitting position. From there he rose and threw himself against the wall where he was out of the way of most of the falling earth. “Speak, Cramer!” His nose was broken from hitting his face on the ground and he could feel that his gum had been cut.


“Help!” It was a small, pitiful cry, but even in the darkness Heath could locate its source. The boy was at his feet.




Heath felt about and found that a boulder, no less than two feet in diameter had trapped the boy’s legs to the ground, not to mention likely breaking one or both of them. Kneeling beside the boy, the major struggled to free him, pulling at the stone with all his might, trying to ignore the protesting of his injured shoulder. For a moment nothing happened. Then the stone shifted and finally slid off. Cramer was screaming in agony, but Heath ignored it as he lifted the boy out of the mud.


Cradling the private in his arms like a baby, Heath – for the last time – ran. His lungs felt as though somebody had filled them with methane and struck a match. His head was spinning with pain and he could scarcely focus on the light at the end of the tunnel.


Suddenly he was there. Lawrence and Durst had just dropped back into the tunnel to come rescue him and they caught Heath and the boy.


“Major, I’m so sorry! I thought you were right behind…”


But Heath wasn’t listening. He could feel himself collapse and then felt himself lifted through the hole from the tunnel into the trench above. He could feel wind and rain on his cheeks and fresh air in his lungs. He was safe, his men were safe, the trench was safe and he had done his duty.


In the middle of a filthy, rat-infested trench, Major David Heath felt safe. As shells squealed overhead and machinegun bullets rattled through the heavy air of no man’s land, he fell into an exhausted sleep.

This Has Got to be in Violation of Some Copyright Law

And wouldn't you just love to see that court case.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2009/11/headline-roundup-1.html

Some excerpts -

Newsweek: Former M*A*S*H stars say it's finally time to disarm the military

LA Times: Like many Town Hall protesters, Hassan motivated by rage, pattern baldness

MSNBC: Investigation: Ft. Hood Killer Had Access to Fox, Talk Radio, Right-Wing
Blogs, Defiant Palin rejects calls to apologize

Boston Globe: Experts say shootings could have easily been prevented if guns did not exist; others argue bullets must share blame

Washington Post: Shooter's former Virginia home was mere hours from Jerry Falwell compound

Rolling Stone: Sensitive, artistic outsider said ostracized by Army jocks, "in crowd"

New York Times: Lessons of Ft. Hood: Military Bases Need More Mental Health Professionals

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Fort Hood... Again

Nidal Hassan was in contact with noted Islamist for "academic" reasons.

Taliban warns, "The recent attack on the military base in Texas warns that if the occupation policy of the American rulers continues in this way, without them folding the carpets of occupation and transgression in Afghanistan and Iraq, it is natural then that incidents and attacks similar to Texas will spread to the Pentagon and other American military centres." Talk about doing American Muslims a big favour.

Canada's Naturally Reigning Party

Is not doing so well.

Four By-Elections, four third place finishes. At least they probably did better than the Green Party.

I wish that we could have an election soon, might finally get a Conservative majority.

Flat Fish

Pickup hits aquarium and kills tropical fish.

Okay, so no profound point in this post just....somewhat humorous.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6540948/Pickup-truck-crashes-into-aquarium-at-US-airport.html

Checkmate... Or Not

The Federal Court has accepted a case that will clarify legislation affecting medical marijuana users and restaurants they frequent.

Many people will remember the OHRC case where Ted Kindos, who runs Gator Ted's Tap and Grill, was found guilty of discrimination for asking a medical marijuana user, Steve Gibson, who was smoking in his doorway to leave.
Health Canada advises medical users not to consume controlled substances in public.To many people, it is a simple matter of common sense and decency. If you must take something that is offensive to others, try to do so in private or at least in such a way as to minimize the effect on bystanders. At the very least, it could have a bad effect on young people who might be at risk for addictions.

But the Commission for the Protection of Discourteous Behaviour (otherwise known as the OHRC) seems to make it's living enabling people who break the rules of courtesy and common thoughtfulness.

In the end Kindos was ordered, among other things, to put up "We accommodate medical marijuana smokers" signs.

Then the Ontario Alcohol and Gaming Commission showed up on the scene. Turns out that accommodating medical marijuana users could get your liquor licence revoked.

Naturally stuck between breaking the law and.... breaking the law, Ted Kindos decided to go to court.

Kindos is now asking that medical marijuana users not be permitted to smoke in public places or licensed establishments. As well, he is asking that Steve Gibson have his marijuana permit revoked for using it improperly.

The Federal Court has decided that the restaurant "ought to have its day in this court".

By the way, on the subject of nice people, a quote from Steven Gibson our oppressed justice and human rights fighter, “People didn’t like the way I smell, but I don’t like a lot of smells either, I can’t bare to stand near some chicks, they’ve got so much perfume on, let alone some ethnics that I don’t like the smell of that much.” The Star.com

Gator Ted's allegations that Gibson was an offensive, fill-in-the-blank, jerk are becoming more and more credible all the time.

For further reading

http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/585012

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=2206243

http://westernstandard.blogs.com/shotgun/2009/02/ontario-mpp-tim-hudak-on-the-travails-of-ted-kindos.html

http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/wants+federal+clarity+medical/1382076/story.html

Nice Army You've Got There, Shame if Anything Were to Happen to It

Muslims should be able to get conscientious objector status because of the guilt they may be feeling about fighting fellow Muslims and because the current war may conflict with their religious beliefs.

Otherwise, we might have "adverse events"

Brainless on the Riviera

No I'm not talking about MCJ, they're brilliant.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Hating Haters

I am sure that in one of my "Polite Behaviour 101" classes that my Mother gave it was decided that saying "I told you so" was a no-no.

Sorry Mom, but I have to say it.


Accusing people of anti-semitism is hate speech. Or would be if some people had their way. I told you so.

By the way and for the record, this antagonism to "hate", just "hate", is logical and existential nonsense. Much like the tolerance good/intolerance bad thing which is also popular. Let me lay it out.

If you want to effectively love good you need to hate evil.
If you want to effectively love truth you need to hate lies.
If you want to effectively love tolerance you need to hate intolerance.
And if you want to effectively love love you need to hate hate.

If you love life, you need to hate murder.

Does that answer your question Omar Ha-Redeye? Civil rights started pushing hate when they started pushing love and passion for justice.

Let's start being more specific with our words.

None of My Business I Know

Seeing as I am neither Episcopalian (or Anglican) nor Catholic. However I can appreciate a good dust-up when I see one, and in all seriousness I consider the Pope's outreach to Anglicans to be a highly significant event for all Christians. A slap on the face for Protestants true, but a necessary one. With any luck it will wake them up from their hypnotised trance.

http://themcj.com/?p=7664


When Society is Standing Up Inside

Rural Ontario has what you might call character. They don't like the gun registry, even though they don't register their guns, and they have scant respect for anyone in Ottawa telling them what they can and can't do with their land. The sentiment is frequently expressed in those omnipresent signs, "This Land is Our Land - Back Off Government". In other words, they do things their own way.

I think all Green Party voters should take a tour of the country for a crash course in the law of unintended consequences. Farmers are logical, the first time they find out that the government considers polar bears to be fish they stop listening to anything else. Particularly when that "anything else" is environmental legislation that threatens their livelihood.

Right now the government is considering legislation that would create a 12 sq. km. buffer zone around each endangered (or threatened, whatever) turtle someone sees. I've lived in the country long enough to know what that means. Suddenly those harmless turtles that everyone ignored will become a prime target for country folk who don't consider a turtle worth losing the use of their land over. Result, dead turtles. Farmers (notorious cheapskates) will pay to have habitat destroyed so that no one will ever find an endangered species on their land.

They have lost their respect for environmental laws. In the end they may create worse damage than if they government had been satisfied with a more moderate level of control.

What does this have to do with the Fort Hood shooting? Maybe a lot. Much has been said recently about the reluctance of the media to assign any terrorist motives to the killer. Funny enough, society had no problem figuring out the motives of the man who killed Doctor Tiller the abortionist. We all knew that he did it because of his anti-abortion views.

Much as pro-lifers hate it when the media connects them with abortion doctor killings, the storm of denunciation from the mainline pro-lifers did help make it clear, not only to the world but also to those within our own ranks, that we do not fight murder with murder. Pro-life hotheads understand that if they go off the deep end they will not be lauded but condemned, by everyone. It has made us perhaps more careful than we would otherwise be to speak clearly about our stand on this issue and to weed out those who would destroy our cause by discrediting us with violence.

What happens when this doesn't happen? What happens when no one can speak the truth?


"Political correctness is lynch mob mentality in another guise. The eventual effects are the same. Group innocence flips to group guilt. Eventually anyway. It just delays the lynching until everyone can be hanged. So everything tootles along in a kind of fake normalcy with everyone smiling fakely at everyone else with gritted teeth until the desired and long awaited Der Tag comes along and then it is open season. The beast gets turned loose and look out below....

Eventually you will have situations in which people who are actually not trusted may be put in formal positions of authority simply because they can’t be questioned. This when the Openly Ridiculous Order situation comes in. When an elite starts to issue lunatic directives a certain something snaps. They lose legitimacy. People obey, but they do not comply. In other words, they start to obey only when the bosses are around. The moment the super leaves the room, they all start to laugh at him."

The problem, as so many of our "Islamophobic" friends like to point out is not so much Islam as it is the West and it's values or lack thereof. The problem is not the occasional nutbars, it is the society that enables them. The society that is gagging itself and refusing to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said.

It can't last forever. Like the turtle laws, people have no respect for what they consider to be ridiculous. They sit down when a policeman is watching, but they are standing up inside.

People are already starting to stand up inside when it comes to political correctness. However they are still sitting down outside. What happens when they start standing up outside? I don't want to see that. I don't think anyone does.

The Bridge on the River Kwai illustrated with painful poignancy the importance of respect for lawful authority. The officers in a Japanese prisoner of war camp refused to do manual labour because that would undermine their position of authority and thus the morale of the men under their command. The officers were tortured, threatened with death, but they refused to give in to force. Yet later in the movie, after they won the right to exemption from labour, they volunteered of their own free will to do manual labour when there was a pressing need for it.

Without lawful authority and without respect for lawful authority the men would have become slaves instead of soldiers.

Do we want a society that has lost their respect for authority? I don't, and I am sure that Muslims do not either.

Please read the whole post at Covenant Zone, it is well worth reading and I am not ashamed to say gave me the basis for this post.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Upcoming Events

Your opportunity to meet Miss Marprelate in person....

Symposium on Free Speech and Liberty

"Join us in Ottawa December 7 as we survey Canada's historic commitment to individual liberty and how current government practices conflict with that proud tradition. Learn how, by suppressing free speech, human rights laws are actually undermining human rights in Canada and abroad. Examine the prospects for reversing the tide and learn from the experts what you can do to help."

Brian Lee Crowley - Past President and Senior Fellow at the Atlantic Institute for Market Studies and author of the new book Fearful Symmetry - The Rise and Fall of Canada's Founding Values
Barbara Kay - National Post columnist
Peter Stockland - Former editor of the Montreal Gazette and currently Executive Director of the Centre for Cultural Renewal
Karen Selick - Senior Counsel at the Canadian Constitution Foundation
Joseph C. Ben-Ami - President of the Canadian Centre for Policy Studies
Bjorn Larsen- President of the International Free Press Society - Canada
John Robson - Radio commentator and Ottawa Citizen columnist
Richard Bastien - Director of the National Capital chapter of the Catholic Civil Rights League and member of the board of CIVITAS
Gerry Nicholls - Former Senior Executive

http://www.freespeechandliberty.ca/

The Conservative Movement at a Crossroads

Lessons from the past, directions for the future
Looking back on the last six years, looking ahead for next six.
Four speakers reflect on the past, present and future of the conservative movement in Canada.
Société MacDonald-Cartier Society

Panel speakers and short bio:
- Gerry Nicholls
Former Senior Executive with the National Citizens Coalition and publisher of LibertasPost.ca)
- John Robson
Radio commentator and Ottawa Citizen columnist
- Joseph C. Ben-Ami
President of the Canadian Centre for Policy Studies
- Don Lenihan Ph.D.
Vice President, Engagement - Public Policy Forum

Moderator
- Waller R. Newell, Ph.D.
Professor of Political Science and Philosophy and co-director of the Centre for Liberal Education and Public Affairs at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada

- Time and location
December 7 2009, 6 to 9pm
Parliament Pub, 101 Sparks St (There is also an entrance on Wellington St)

- Ticket price and what it will include
$10 regular tickets - includes appetizers
$8.50 student tickets - includes appetizers



Thursday, November 5, 2009

As a Friend of Mine Joked....

"I wish I could find someone to give me a million dollars for having problems".

These days you don't have to wish upon a star for that. From HRCs to university policies there are lots of people willing to give you money or privileges for having problems. Don't like a teacher because of that C? Troubles are over. Just get him fired.

Queen of Glasgay, What an Honour

"Festival organisers described the banners as "fairly provocative" and said they could be viewed as inciting homophobia." Telegraph

I'll tell you what's "fairly provocative" and "inciting homophobia", putting on a play like this. What you do in your bedroom may be your business but when you blaspheme on stage you are setting the stage for people to get annoyed with you.

How long before inciting homophobia outside a play that was "NOT" intended to "incite or offend anyone" is illegal. (Or is it already? Actually it probably is.)


Food Fight!

Kosherfest Demonstrates Multicultural Diversity by Awarding "Best Food from Israel" Prize to Traditional Lebanese Dish

Always another way of looking at the issue.

Almost as good as the American-French French/Freedom Fry Debate.

Nun that is into abortion...

Not that way, at least so we assume.

Feminist nun volunteers in an abortion clinic.


http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2009/nov/09110302.html

"I used to say: 'This is my Church, and I will work to change it, because I love it," then later I said, 'This church is immoral, and if I am to identify with it I'd better work to change it.' More recently, I am saying, 'All organized religions are immoral in their gender discriminations.'" Sr Quinn

She is a member of the National Coalition of American Nuns. By the way, don't you just love when radical groups call themselves National Coalitions or Congresses or Centres? So very, optimistic, if not a little humorous.

The TimesColumns has some interesting comments... Did you know that Jesus would have been an abortion clinic escort? Me neither. Or how about this one "It should be noted that the Sister serves as an escort, protecting women in need of healthcare of various kinds from people who attack them. I consider her status to be very comparable to a Quaker who serves in combat as a medic." I just did not know that pro-life protesters attacked and (tried to kill?) pregnant women going into abortion clinics. You learn something new every day.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Things I didn't know about gender and terrorism

Martin Scheinin, a special rapporteur for the U.N.'s Human Rights Council, filed his report in August after six months of studying the "complex relationship between gender equality and countering terrorism." Fox News

What I want to know is why Wikipedia isn't facing a lawsuit because over 80% of the contributors are men. Surely there has got to be a case for something there.

Taken from the report in random order:

In police interrogations of terrorism suspects in France “men are asked their views on women’s equality” and “[w]omen who wear a religious headdress are invariably asked why” they do.68
Such terrorist-profiling practices are discriminatory because they equate gender
inequality with persons of a certain race, national or ethnic origin or religion and
predict that males from these groups are more likely to be terrorists.69

Well I'll be.... Just can't have that now can we. Double points for anyone who can actually follow his tortured logic.

Full disclosure. As a Christian woman I wear a headcovering. Believe me, it profiles you (in our area as a Mennonite, which I am not). I don't pretend that doesn't mark me as a hard-core religious person. If I was suspected of terrorism, that might be a relevant question to ask. The difference between a Mennonite and an Islamic fundamentalist headcovering is huge (for one thing Mennonites believe in non-resistance).

30. Counter-terrorism measures have had impermissible gendered collateral effects
that are often neither acknowledged nor compensated.46 Indeed, enforced
disappearances of male detainees in the name of countering terrorism have had
“special resonance”47 for female family members, who bear the burden of anxiety,
harassment, social exclusion and economic hardship occasioned by the loss of the
male breadwinner.48 Similar effects ensue from the prolonged detention without
trial of male family members,49 the practice of extraordinary rendition,50 and forced
deportations of male family members, undermining the enjoyment of economic,
social and cultural rights, such as the right to adequate housing,51 and the right to
family life.

(i) To recognize and compensate the human rights violations, including of
economic, social and cultural rights, of family members of those individuals who
have been disappeared, or subjected to “extraordinary rendition” or to prolonged
detention in the name of countering terrorism;

Maybe I'm some kinda radical but you know this here just has me confused. I'm havin' trouble figurin' out what the difference is between lockin' up a murderer and a terrorist. I mean we have people all over this country in jail for lots of different things and ya know? I didn't know that was a human rights violation on the family. I mean just wow. Thinka all the billions of lawsuits that could create. Funny thing, no one ever mentioned somethin' else. Those men could avoid doing things that might get em locked up. Might make life easier on the women-folk.

26. Rightly, the Security Council has identified gender-based violence, particularly
sexual violence, in armed conflict and humanitarian crisis as a major concern for the
international community through resolutions 1820 (2008), 1674 (2006), 1539 (2004),
1460 (2003), 1325 (2000) and on other occasions. Most recently, in resolution
1820 (2008), the Security Council stressed that sexual violence, when used or commissioned as a tactic of war in order to deliberately target civilians or as a part
of a widespread or systematic attack against civilian populations, can significantly
exacerbate situations of armed conflict and may impede the restoration of
international peace and security. In the light of all of the above, the Special
Rapporteur supports the conclusion of the International Commission of Jurists
Eminent Jurists Panel on Terrorism, Counter-terrorism and Human Rights, that the
use of a “war paradigm” to counter terrorism has undermined human rights and
should be abandoned.34

You know, this here just bothers me. We're talking about gender-related violence in armed conflict (undeniable, men seem to spend a lot of time shooting at men just because they are men. Yes and rape increases too I know) Then we talk about the systematic use of rape (I assume) to damage a community. Then they conclude with the necessity for abandoning the "war paradigm" in counter terrorism. Is it my imagination or do these three topics have almost nothing to do with each other?

Yes everything bad increases in a war zone. So we abandon the "war paradigm". Question: Is there any compelling reason to keep the war paradigm and what happens if our enemies don't abandon that paradigm? It's a debatable question but one that needs to be debated, not stated.

Some people use rape to systematically oppress communities. Why this is connected to abandoning the war paradigm I can't imagine. Except as a compelling reason to keep the war paradigm and use it against the people who do that kind of thing. Note: do they really think the people who do that will stop because Geneva says so? If they do I recommend a reputable psychiatrist, preferably one with experience in egomania.

I am of course curious to know what option they recommend instead? Community education? Make that a good psychiatrist with experience in egomania and drug-induced delusions.

Anyway why are we taking practices in places like Algeria and using that as a reason why we should abandon a world-wide model? Seems to make about as much sense as pointing out corruption in one tiny place and positing that we should do away with all government.

For example, the United Kingdom anti-radicalization initiatives seeking to include Muslim women as counter-terrorism agents on the basis of their position “at the heart not only of their communities but also of their families”,56 may reinforce stereotypical gender norms about roles of women within the family. Instead, participation should be grounded on principles of gender equality, recognizing the unique gendered impacts of both terrorism and counter-terrorism measures. Additionally, counter-terrorism measures that are characterized as being a fight for women’s rights (such as the United States portrayal of its “war on terror” in Afghanistan in 2001)57 should be closely
scrutinized, to ensure that they are not misinformed by gender-cultural stereotypes and are actually responsive to the concerns of women and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex individuals in local contexts.

Imagine the horror, (Cue tense moment while I faint gracefully into the arms of the leading man behind me. Oh let me guess, stereotype. Try again, this time I catch leading man. We tumble onto floor. Hmph, they must hate it when stereotypes turn out to be correct.) Women are at the heart of their homes and communities. What an evil image. But you know, I kinda like it. (Cue evil laugh) Now I get the thrilling adrenalin rush of evil. Wow, is this what Al Capone felt like all the time?

40. In previous reports, the Special Rapporteur has drawn attention to his concerns
about the lack of human rights safeguards in the listing of terrorist entities and
application of “control orders”, particularly in the light of the burdens that such
measures place on listed individuals or controlled persons.77 These sanction
regimes78 and control orders also have both direct and indirect impacts on the
human rights of third parties, particularly female family members. In the United
Kingdom, control orders and sanctions directly impact women, who, for example
may have their bank accounts separately monitored and experience limits on their
normal family life through conditions such as those that restrict who can enter the
family home.79 The indirect impacts on women are numerous and include serious
economic hardship, acute levels of mental and physical distress, and in some cases,
family separation because of the immense psychological burden of the control order
and sanctions on all family members.80

You know, I think the actions of thieves adversely affect my well-being and human rights. After all, people lock their doors. I can't just walk into a shop, take whatever I want, and leave the money on the counter at any time of the day or night. Horrible.

Crime affects you. It affects your family. This is a basic thing that no one is going to be able to get around.

By the way, I'll bet this affects men in the household as well.

42. The Special Rapporteur is also concerned that terrorism financing laws that
restrict donations to non-profit organizations have particularly impacted
organizations that promote gender equality, including women’s rights organizations.
The small-scale and grassroots nature of such organizations means that they present
a greater “risk” to foreign donors who are increasingly choosing to fund a limited
number of centralized, large-scale organizations for fear of having their charitable
donations stigmatized as financing of, or material support to, terrorism.81 At the
same time, as divergent voices within their communities, it is precisely this foreign
funding on which women’s rights organizations may be particularly dependent to
achieve their objectives.82 The need to ensure accessible, safe and effective
channels for donation to such organizations is particularly acute in situations of
humanitarian crisis, which, as noted earlier, often have disproportionate impacts on
women and girls.

I can see it now Association for Equal Opportunity Suicide Bombers: Because Martyrs Come in All Genders.

Anyone ever consider the saying "hard cases make bad law"? Come to think of it, that doesn't apply. This isn't a hard case.

46. While women are victims of terrorism and counter-terrorism measures, they
may also be volitional actors in both terrorist entities and counter-terrorism
measures. The Special Rapporteur reiterates that ignoring women as potential
terrorists undermines the ability of counter-terrorism measures to identify terrorism
suspects88 and may serve to promote the recruitment of female terrorists.89

Because we wouldn't want to stereotype men... This is probably true to a limited point but it is going to be popular like poisoned swamp water with women in these areas. Now they can face just as much harassment and suspicion as men. Watch the teary-eyed thank yous come rolling in.

48. Counter-terrorism measures disproportionately affect women and transgender
asylum-seekers, refugees and immigrants in specific ways. For example, enhanced
immigration controls that focus attention on male bombers who may be dressing as
females to avoid scrutiny101 make transgender persons susceptible to increased
harassment and suspicion.102 Similarly, counter-terrorism measures that involve
increased travel document security,103 such as stricter procedures for issuing,
changing and verifying identity documents, risk unduly penalizing transgender persons whose personal appearance and data are subject to change.104 This
jeopardizes the right of persons of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities
to recognition before the law. In this regard, the Yogyakarta Principles on the
application of international human rights law in relation to sexual orientation and
gender identity identify that States must “ensure that procedures exist whereby all
State-issued identity papers which indicate a person’s gender/sex … reflect the
person’s profound self-defined gender identity”.105

No comment. Sometimes you just have to sit back and let the words dance by themselves.

49. The Special Rapporteur is concerned that increased travel restrictions have
also involved the inclusion of entire families on “no-fly” lists,106 which unduly
penalizes family relationships and undermines the enjoyment of human rights such
as the right to freedom of movement. Alongside these measures that restrict
movement, the Special Rapporteur also notes that the counter-terrorism strategy of
empowering law enforcement agencies to enforce immigration rules may also deter
immigrant women experiencing abuse (such as domestic violence) from seeking
police protection because they fear that they, or their family members, may be
deported.107

Not sure that I want to live in a world where flying is a human right.

There is also troubling evidence that counter-terrorism activities have
actually heightened the trafficking in women and girls through the increased
presence of military forces114 and burgeoning insecurity and poverty (e.g., as in
Iraq).115

Why don't we just admit that this is an anti-Iraqi war paper and get it over with. Now that may well be a legitimate position to take, but it is not legitimate to take it based on one fact taken in the short term and taken out of context. This may well be true and is a cause for great concern if it is. But is the short term damage of war greater or lesser than the long term damage of a bad peace? Depends. What the equation is in Iraq I don't know. I do know it is more complicated than our friend would have us believe.

(c) To end impunity for all direct and collateral gender-based human rights
violations in the name of countering terrorism, including economic, social and
cultural rights violations, and provide redress for victims, including through
reparations schemes that are non-discriminatory and equality-enhancing and provide
recognition for all forms of gendered harms, including for victims targeted on the
basis of sexual orientation and gender identity;

When he defines for me "collateral", "cultural rights", "reparations schemes", and "gendered harms" as they are used in this passage I will attempt to answer it. Until then it reads like another Section 13 or Mary Poppins magic spoon. Whatever you want to come out of it is what comes out.

(q) To recognize the role of women and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender
and intersex individuals as stakeholders and the benefit of including contextual
feminist perspectives in the design and implementation of counter-terrorism measures
and in combating terrorism, as well as the role of men in ensuring gender equality.

The day they recognize the "benefit of including contexual feminist perspectives in the design and implementation of counter-terrorism measures" is the day that the world goes mad. This has probably already happened.

Fox News adds (excerpted quotes)

Critics say the suggestions are part of an "absolutely insane" agenda at the U.N. that too often seems intent on undermining efforts to blot out terrorism across the globe.....

Show me one sane thing the UN has done in recent years and I'll show you an anomaly.

It does not strike me as ridiculous ... to look at policies through the lens of gender," said Benjamin Wittes, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution.

No it just strikes everyone else in the world as ridiculous to put women's lives at risk in the name of gender security.

Wittes noted that gender issues — including the Taliban's vicious treatment of women — have made it virtually impossible for Western nations and Pakistan to have normal relations with the Taliban.

"That's not an inconsiderable criticism — it's a valid criticism," he said. But Wittes added that to place "gender rights at the center of (counterterrorism policy) is kind of an absurd proposition" that he said made the report ridiculous.

I know other words for it but my Mother says ladies don't use them.

Schienen did not return requests for comment.

Sometimes even idiots can get smart.

London, of the Hudson Institute, said that it was hopeless to look for moral guidance from a body composed of some of the world's most brutal and repressive regimes, including Saudi Arabia and China.

"The Human Rights Council and the nations that are represented on it, they're clearly involved in human rights violations," London told Foxnews.com. "They're going to be the arbiters of human rights?"

I wonder what China's transgender forced abortion policy is?

"There might have been value in a report that addressed how counterterrorism efforts interact with the rights of women," said Peter Sprigg, a senior fellow at the Family Research Council.

"But by burdening this report with these extreme forms of social engineering, it makes the report kind of laughable."

The good thing? No one takes any notice of the United Nations unless they want to. The Human Rights Council certainly doesn't so why should any of us lesser mortals blink an eye?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Email Apology

The email on my profile no longer works, my apologies to anyone who might have tried to email me over the last few weeks. My new address is missmarprelate(at)gmail(dot)com. (Replace (at) and (dot) with @ and.)